at all times

I’ve never been the one to have a large friend group. It took until I was eighteen to have an actual, steady, go-to niche. When you go from feeling like a third-wheel-white-noise-nobody, to someone who actually feels wanted, it’s pivotal. But even still, it took time to transition from a web of insecurity, to a place where I truly believed I was welcome.

“Friendship is an opportunity to act on God’s behalf in the lives of the people that we’re close to, reminding each other who God is.”

-Shauna Niequist

She is joy. She is gentle. She is humble. She is my truest friend. 

If any of you have the gift of knowing Hollie, you know that she is unapologetically herself. But not in a brash, this-is-who-I-am, take-me-or-leave-me, way. She is authentic and undone. She is more beautiful than the wildflowers she wears in her hair, and far more than she knows. — I have never felt judgment or condemnation. Like a cup that never runs dry, that is how I have experienced God’s abundant grace and sweet love through this friendship.  For years, I longed for a best friend – mostly because I desired a sense of inclusion. What I have found is so much greater.

We’ve been friends for almost five years, but the first few were not without clashing and frustration. It definitely wasn’t a bad friendship, but it wasn’t the best it could be either. There were various points when we found ourselves defeated from strife. I’m pretty sure we were both ready to check out in those moments. My self-righteous-finger-pointing pursuits, (all done in the name of “love”, so I told myself), were destructive. But despite the petty conflicts we kept falling into, we continued to remain friends. — I am forever grateful for the way Hollie loved me through my tough and relentless ways. She chose to offer me undeserving kindness when I wasn’t easy to love. Sure, we both tallied up wrongs, but I know much of it was me. Just being real here, people. 

But this isn’t some woe is me spiel, so let’s get to the good stuff.

This past year has been immensely rich and abundant. I have seen our friendship completely flourish and blossom in ways neither one of us imagined. God has sweetened bitterness and smoothed rough edges. No friendship is perfect. People aren’t perfect. But I have experienced a newfound joy that is woven into our time spent together. It’s pure and beautiful.

I still find myself wondering, what the heck God wants to do, with this life He’s given me. But the cool thing is, that’s okay. — Hollie and I both find ourselves in a unique position – we’re not tied down to a big kid job or student loans; simply waiting on God’s next prompting. This is freeing and unnerving all at the same time. But I’m so glad to not feel alone. I’m so glad to have a golden friend who has tenderly loved and encouraged me always. And if Hollie is the only one who reads this, I’m glad about that too.

Hollie. Thank you for choosing to love me even when it wasn’t always easy. Thank you for helping me to see that I am beautiful because God says I am good. You’ve shown me Jesus in new ways, even when you didn’t know it.

(And thank you to anyone who cared to read about my love for my best friend.)

But…I’ll end this here, because she’s on her way to my house, and I’m currently at Starbucks. And I have to pee.

LOVE YOU HOLLIE.

 

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” Proverbs 17:17